15 June 2012

Anime theme songs: awesomely bad.

I mainly like to rant about politics and wax philosophical in a roundabout way, but every once in a while I'm gonna drop a random topic on alla y'all's heads. Today's is anime--particularly, the theme songs of anime, which is an important thing that everyone cares about.

I disliked anime for years, without having seen much, mostly due to being on fucking Deviantart. Turns out a lot of it is silly and stupid, some of it's good, and some of it is fucking awesome. I got the ouroboros tattoo after watching Fullmetal Alchemist (the original series) because truly, nothing I had ever read or encountered made me think so much about what it meant to be a human being.

The dragony-lookin' thing is from the anime. Before you ask about the banner it says this.
But that discussion is for another day. I'm here to talk about the theme songs.

When I first heard the opening song to Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood I was surprised. It was . . . good. Nothing mind-blowing, just a normal catchy pop song with some rock influence, but I did end up downloading it and putting it on my iPod.


I'm listening to it right now, and I kind of forgot how much it actually fucking rules. I can't sing along with it (except for the part where they might be saying "I'm on my way" but that could be my own English-speaking pareidolia) so I just sort of bob around with a stupid grin on my face.

But I digress. I was surprised that it was not only listenable, but worth downloading. If you don't watch anime, you don't know about this, but the theme songs are always hilariously awful.

Case in point: "Mirai No Kioku" from Kiddy Grade.


Now that you've watched that there is no way I could convince you that this show is not as dumb as it looks.    Yes, the writing can be corny, but the show takes very dark turns. It tackles socioeconomic issues that a future galacticized (as in globalized, or maybe jazzercized) society might face, the darker sides of eternal youth, and conflicting moral duties. I dunno about you, but I certainly didn't pick up on any of those themes from that . . . whatever that was. The one thing that you probably did pick up on was the gratuitous-female-form/not-so-subtle-suggestions-of-lesbian-eroticism sort of fanservice that's also a constant.

And just check these lyrics:

"Fate and fake is everything
What is important, oh, won't you please tell me?
Love and pain will revolve
In the very same reflection of space and time they shine."



I know that feel, bro.

Of course, lots of things get lost in translation and when doing English dubs the studios must be very cautious so as to avoid tantrums from the uppity fanbase. (Go get on an anime forum and find a thread about the Japanese version of this song versus the English version. I dare you.) But still, it makes no sense in English, and it's funny to me, so fuck a logical explanation of silly lyrics.

The first theme song (there were several) from the original Fullmetal Alchemist TV series:


I understand that much of Japanese pop is influenced by Western pop, so apparently Japan is not on Earth but rather somewhere in space that the radio transmissions 80's workout video soundtracks have just started reaching them in the last decade.

From Samurai 7, a sort of steampunkish sci-fi version of Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai and (other than Planet Earth) the only DVDs I own:


It's not completely unbearable, but let me put this into context for you: this is an anime about fucking samurais chopping up giant robots with their swords and then overthrowing an empire. I feel like something other than a corny love song might have been more appropriate, don't you?

Basilisk is essentially a ninja clan retelling of Romeo and Juliet, and it's really, really violent. I'm talking blood everywhere, bros. Fittingly, its theme song kicks all the other song-asses. I especially love the recorder, because it really cements the whole "30-year-old-fat-white-nerd-playing-with-katana-in-front-of-his-webcam" aesthetic.


You know you're rocking the fuck out to Lady Japanese Dio right now, or at least you can't deny that you want to so bad.


Pictured above is what happens when you google "Japanese Lady Dio." I suggest you don't look into it any further, because the thing about Japan is that it's much funnier when you take everything about it out of context.

And for the record, the music isn't all bad all the way through. Samurai 7 and Full Metal Alchemist both have excellent soundtracks. The opening credits are no indication of the quality or depth of the show. (Though it'd be real nice if I didn't have to listen to some bullshit before getting to my show, anime studios.)

Now I feel like I have to apologize for putting you through those, so enjoy Nujabes doing Samurai Champloo up right:



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