Chapter 7: The Secret to Health.
This one starts out kind of making sense, but I can't disassociate from the earlier batshit enough not to expect the worst.
"The placebo effect is a powerful phenomenon. When patients think and truly believe the tablet is a cure, they will receive what they believe, and they will be cured."Not disputing this other than the use of the word "receive." And as I mentioned before, I find this reference to the placebo effect both 1) pretty funny and 2) not particularly self-aware. In high school, a common prank was giving someone baking soda or OTC pain relievers with the logos rubbed off, claiming they were drugs, and watching the recipient act all fucked up after taking some Tylenol. People tell me I'm mean for thinking this is funny, but fuck you, it's totally funny. I'm sure we would have had fun with ol' Rhonda.
But the placebo effect is not some manifestation of the Universe's power. Says Wikipedia:
The placebo effect points to the importance of perception and the brain's role in physical health. However, the use of placebos as treatment in clinical medicine (as opposed to laboratory research) is ethically problematic as it introduces deception and dishonesty into the doctor-patient relationship. The United Kingdom Parliamentary Committee on Science and Technology has stated that: "...prescribing placebos... usually relies on some degree of patient deception" and "prescribing pure placebos is bad medicine. Their effect is unreliable and unpredictable and cannot form the sole basis of any treatment on the NHS."Says Rhonda: "Derp."
She, and her blurb-providing minions, then encourage people not to disregard medicine in favor of positive thinking. Rather, you should combine the two. Sound advice, really. It's kind of a pleasant surprise to see the suggestion right in the beginning of the chapter. I'm already preemptively rolling my eyes, however, at all the people who will chalk their healing up to their own prayer and positive thinking and indirectly pat themselves on the back for all the hard work their physician did. No, no, you're right! It wasn't the years of expensive medical training, the patience, the compassion, or the knowledge. It was you and your fucking frequencies.
And of course there are always the responders: "Well, maybe it was their prayer." A lovely little thought, but until someone has some proof for me, I say fuck that. There is quite a lot that the world has given me to think about and I see little point in wasting time on moonbat "maybes."
So she encourages her readers to do the sensible thing and go see a doctor if their shit's all jacked up. Great. Takes all of a page and a half (and keep in mind, a page is about 200 fifth-grade-level words) before this chapter delves right back into batshittery:
Dr. John DeMartini
Our physiology creates disease to give us feedback, to let us know we have an imbalanced perspective, or we're not being loving and grateful. So the body's signs and symptoms are not something terrible.
So, when I'm not being grateful enough to my surroundings, substances can . . . become carcinogenic or . . . . . . infected blood will start . . . magnetizing itself to me or . . . what the fuck is this guy on about?
Love and gratitude can part seas, move mountains, and create miracles. And love and gratitude can dissolve any disease.1) No. 2) No. 3) Fuckin' miracles. 4) She doesn't say "prevent," she says "dissolve." Shouldn't I be able to avoid disease altogether?
It's stated that stress is the root of all disease. And while most of us know that stress can, in fact, lower the immune system, we also have known about how things like pathogens work since we were little fucking kids.
Some gems from the Dumb-fuck School of Medicine:
Bob Proctor
Disease cannot live in a body that's in a healthy emotional state. Your body is casting off millions of cells every second, and it's also creating millions of new cells at the same time.
Dr. John Hagelin
In fact, parts of our body are literally replaced every day. Other parts take a few months, other parts a couple of years. But within a few years we have a brand new physical body.
[Rhonda's text]: If our entire bodies are replaced within a few years, as science has proven, then how can it be that degeneration or illness remains in our bodies for years? It can only be held there by thought, by observation of the illness, and by the attention given to the illness.People who are diseased are spiritually sick all the time, and by the way, did you know this cool shit about your cells? The best trick in the book: mention sciencey-sounding shit, and gullible people will eat it up (as science has proven). It's followed by John Hagelin's oversimplification of a true thing, and then bam! Batshit outta nowhere!
Fucking germs/cells/basic anatomyz, how do they work?
All those people out there who found that passage to be truthful, mindblowing, or in any way logical, are going to find no explanations here. I'm not about to type out a logical takedown of those quotes because I learned the basics of that line of reasoning when my age was still a single digit. Much like I can't harness the power of The Secret because I am closed off to it, people who believe in The Secret can't harness the power of logic because they, too, are closed off to it.
I heard that "cells-replacing-themselves-so-technically-you-are-completely-physically-different-than-you-were-7-years-ago-or-whatever" thing (known in Legitimate Sciencey circles as "CRTSTYACPDTYW7YAOW") when I watched Waking Life. I found it pretty interesting, and it's a nice concept philosophically. But obviously Byrne didn't actually read any further than the blurbs provided in her books, because she continues to demonstrate her toddler understanding of biology:
You can see that beliefs about aging are all in our minds. Science explains that we have a brand new body in a very short time. Aging is limited thinking, so release those thoughts from your consciousness and know that your body is only months old, no matter how many birthdays you have chalked up in your mind.Uh, months? Just because some of the cells in your body might be replaced with new ones every few months doesn't mean your whole body . . . gahhhhh. Whatever. I guess that explains why animals don't ever age or die, right?
This is where the chapter goes from plain stupid back to privileged-fortunate-superior-white-lady shit:
You cannot "catch" anything unless you think you can, and thinking you can is inviting it to you with your thought.Interesting. I wonder how often Rhonda Byrne shares dirty needles with people who definitely have AIDS. I mean, shit, why wouldn't you if her statements are true and you're truly applying them? Getting clean needles would be such a pain in the ass. And if she counts addiction as a disease, then why isn't she partying balls every night? Certainly money isn't an issue for her . . .
You are also inviting illness if you are listening to people talking about their illness. As you listen you are giving all of your thought and focus to illness, and when you give all of your thought to something, you are asking for it. And you are certainly not helping them. You are adding energy to their illness. If you really want to help that person, change the conversation to good things, if you can, or be on your way. As you walk away, give your powerful thoughts and feelings to seeing that person well, and then let it go.Okay. So:
1. Not only should you never think about any disease or affliction, but you should not talk to people who are sick because they are yicky and will make you sick even if the disease is not what society considers "contagious."
2. If you listen to them talk about their illness, you'll get sick because, of course, everything is about you all the fucking time.
3. Showing your sick friend any sort of sympathy or providing any emotional support throughout an illness is not helpful. Do not so much as provide them any reassurance, or you're both fucked. You should display to them that you are emotionally unavailable and socially inept by changing the subject to something like how cute your stupid pug is. Or, shit, just walk the fuck away. Because that's what real, non-shitty friends do for friends with serious illnesses.
I skimmed over the next few pages, which were largely composed of boring testimonials. People who consider testimonials to be hard evidence are pretty much lost causes, which I know from personal experience and will tell you about in my upcoming book for only $24.99.
Every once in a while these glowing lines pop out of The Secret: "Sometimes less information is better!"
I dunno about that. Ignorance is bliss, yada yada, and certainly I've learned about certain things and grimaced and thought, "Ugh, I can never un-know this."
But after some time passes, I have never regretted letting go of any ignorance or naivete, and I look forward to letting go of much, much more. Sure, I can come up with a few circumstances where less information might lead to better results, but that sentence, to me, is Rhonda Byrne openly embracing her own ignorance. And worse--encouraging it in others.
Secret Summaries:
The placebo effect is an example of the law of attraction in action. I just can't even touch this, it's too fucking ridiculous.
"Focusing on perfect health" is something we can all do within ourselves, despite what may be happening on the outside, which is definitely not anything that can be verified through direct observational proof, so don't look into it.
Laughter attracts joy, releases negativity, leads to miraculous cures, plant a little seed and nature grows. IT JUST FUCKING GROWS
Disease is held in the body by thought, by observation of the illness, and by the attention given to the illness. If you are feeling a little unwell, don't talk about it--especially if it's something like suicidal ideation, because we ALL know that telling someone you trust that you are afraid of hurting yourself never leads to getting any help. If you listen to people talk about their illness, your attempts to be a decent, sympathetic, and non-selfish human are actually making them sicker, because when people feel that their close loved ones offer them support it makes them feel shitty.
Beliefs about aging are all in our minds, so release those thoughts from your consciousness. Think about pets you might have owned--did they age? Of course not, because animals have no developed concept of "aging" vs. "youth."
Do not listen to society's messages about diseases and aging. Society's messages include things like "use condoms" and "avoid smoking and tanning beds" and "stay away from addictive drugs" and "don't just eat random things that you find," but those are negative messages and do not serve you. So you can just ignore them. Really.
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